Walk this way...

Having spent best part of the last week on crutches, I thought it might be an idea to share with you some of the observations I've made over the last few days, as I adjust to life with four legs.

It happened so quickly, my fall, or should I say spectacular somersault from my kitchen door into the back garden( I never miss an opportunity to exaggerate, never!). I succeeded in mangling my left shin on a concrete step and crushed my other leg under my own body weight. Typical of my usual bad timing, I was en route to the fridge for a bottle of rosé, in preparation for the TV première of Casino Royale. Instead, I opted for a cup of tea and some painkillers as I settled down to watch Daniel Craig throw himself off buildings for fun! Oh the irony! 7 X-rays later, I was informed, to my immense relief, that all bones were intact, and that I had simply torn ligaments and a sprained foot! I've lost count of the number of people who love to tell you that sprains are far worse than broken bones, and take longer to heal. This is just what I need to hear!

I wouldn't say I had mastered the art of walking on crutches, but it is much preferable to shuffling like an old biddy in slippers on the geriatric ward. The downside is the strain on your chest and arms, and I am terrified I will end up looking like Geoff Capes. My friend Kelly put it quite plainly. It takes more than just your leg muscles to propel you along, something I had never thought about before, but she, irritatingly, is right as usual! Kelly was a surgical secretary, which sounds like she used a scalpel to open the post and wore a green gown and mask when typing. No, I think maybe she was a surgeon's secretary, but anyway, she comes in handy when talking about matters medical.

The kids at school have been great; most concerned and helpful as ever. I seem to have joined an elite club, as there are three other children on crutches, and they wave them at me when we pass, in the same way that Mini drivers flash lights at each other on the road! Maybe I will acquire the LEGendary status usually reserved for PE staff and teachers who play the guitar? As for my friends, there isn't an hour goes by where they aren't sniggering at me, running off with my crutches or posting 'hilarious' comments on facebook about my plight!

Now for the serious bit. This last week has revealed much to me on just how tricky it is walking with legs that don't work properly. My boyfriend, Stevie copes amazingly well with severe arthritis, and walking with a stick is an everyday necessity, one that most 33 year-olds would simply refuse to do. The simplest things are a challenge; I can't carry anything, so work is tricky, and any venue with stairs is a problem I have never encountered before. I could list many more, and I could complain loudly about my injury and its sheer inconvenience but I won't. In a few weeks, my crutches will be redundant, and I can look back on a painful but comical episode and hope not to repeat it. Stevie will be Stevie; rarely complaining and stubbornly staying out in the cold tinkering with his cars when he should be indoors. His delight in teaching me how to cope, and his smug smile when he fishes unreachables down from the supermarket shelf with his stick, shed a different light on disability. He lives with it every day and I have only had a taste of it, and, without sounding patronising, I am incredibly proud of my man. He's known at the car club as Stevie Stick, and he doesn't give a damn!

It hurts a lot and my leg resembles an armadillo from the tubigrip in permanent residence, but it has brought many many laughs. From the pensioners who stood aside to let Stevie, myself and our walking aids pass by, to my 84 year old Grandma offering to carry my bag, there have been hilarious moments. However, I can think of less painful ways to amuse one's friends and family. Thank you to everyone who has smirked at my new walk and raised at eyebrows at my insistence on sobriety at the time of fall, your support is overwhelming, and just how I like it!